Midnight Mincraft Adventures Episode 1

Dear Wal,

Here is the summary of my first day and a half of minecraft on hard:

For a while I putter around building things, digging holes, gathering supplies. I'm super careful. I make sure to block off a place and make it secure for the night. (It was a four-block place at the bottom of a hole.) But I don't see or here any monsters anywhere.

Then I finally figure out why I don't see any.

I'm on peaceful.

Watson's reaction:

XDDDDD

ROFL

LOOOOOOOL

So I finally get myself on hard. And I'm feeling pretty good because I've already killed two monsters and I have an iron sword now. I decide it's time to go mining. I go deep, heading for a hugely massive amazing ravine, and all of a sudden there are three creepers.

I start to panic. I can take on one creeper and survive, but three?! I approach them anyway, knowing that it's the only way to get rid of them. Kill or be killed. Exploded. Whatever. They start coming after me. I start to back away like I always do so I can hit them or escape too much damage if they explode, but all of a sudden I've forgotten how to move. And I'm frantically jumping up and down in panic. I hit one sucessfully and then BLAM I'm dead. Thankfully I had already made myself a bed.

My reaction:

DDDDD8

TH-TH-TH

GG-KKK

AAAAAAAAAAAAH

Watson's reaction:

LOL

I take it out on a herd of cows and a school of squid. Technically it was an act of mercy for the squid. They spawned in a pool of water one block deep in the middle of a swamp. Night comes. I'm overwhelmed and shaking in terror:

AAAH D8

WHY DO THEY MAAKE SUCH TERRIFYING NOISES

Then my computer started spazzing. It would only let my mouse move in a small square of the screen and the screen randomly changed brightness. I logged out and logged back in and it was fine. My poor laptop couldn't handle it either. Once I got things working again I decided to make myself a bow, because I had a lot of trouble killing skeletons without taking a ton of damage. The idea was that I could hit them with the bow before they hit me. Only, after I made the bow I realized I didn't have any amo. Or materials for amo. FAIL.

All the monsters mysteriously vanished, giving me time to explore tunnels in peace. But then it happened. There was a creeper. And guess what! I killed it and lived to tell the tail. Me: 1 Creeper: 1

So then I start to quietly dig gravel so I can get flint for arrows and a skeleton pops out of nowhere:

Skeleton: >D MWAHAHAHA

YOU CAN'T DIG GRAVEL

NOO

YOU GOTTA DIE

DIIIE

Me: D8 *RUNS*

Then a bunch of zombies popped out of nowhere:

Zombies: :D I EAT YO FACE

Me: OH NO YA DON’T *kills*

HAHA SEE I CAN MURDER TOO

I was getting pretty confident, so I decided I’d try and take on the skellingtons. Then an enderman showed up.

Enderman: CUTE NOISES :D I’M NICE

Me: D8 *carefully does not look at*

Should I kill it? 

D8 I’M GOING TO DIE 

I decide to leave it alone. It has a happy dirt block now. I hear noises everywhere. Zombies groaning. Skeletons clacking. Endermen purring. Creepers creeping. 

Me: SO MISLEADING *twitch*

Then zombies start pounding on all my wooden doors. Me being a noob, I don't know that they can break through wooden doors:

*zombies pounding on doors*

Me: *shivering in terror*

*frantically making iron doors*

Aaaaaah iron doors *feels slightly safer*

I go to place an iron door:

Me: *happily placing door* :D

Skeleton: SNEEK ATTACK >:D

I nearly fell out of my chair:

Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH DDDDDDDDDDDDDD8 *runs, slams doors shut*

At this point, I’m finding it impossible to decide what I need and what I don’t need and I have an excess of wooden doors. I think it’s probably time to go to bed, considering I’m twitching spastically and sweating.

The next day, I decide it’s high time I went exploring. I find a village and steal all the testificate’s food and spend the night in one of their houses. I blocked up the door with cobblestone so that zombies couldn’t break in while I was sleeping. There was this testificate at the door frantically trying to get in:

Testificate: HELP D8 PLEASE THE NIGHT IS COMING, LET ME IN!

I considered letting him die, and then changed my mind and let him in.

Testificate: :D THANK YOU FOR YOUR MERCY

Next day I found a jungle. And got lost. And had to spend the night in a tree. Fell into an awesome ravine.

Monsters: RAAAAARARARAGRRRRRUGGGGAAAAH >:D

Me: D8 RUNRUNRUNRUN

I find my way back to the village. No longer lost, I head back to base. Time to make a road. Marking for base insufficient. Lost again. Night approaching. No time to get back to base or villiage. All this compounds and multiplies into me acting like a giddy idiot.

Me: D8 *frantically builds four walls in desert*

I peak out and I see there aren’t hardly any monsters. Should I make a run for it?

Me: HELL YEAH, LET’S DO THIS

I spend almost the entire night running around like an idiot trying to escape, and then get cornered by a skellington and a spider.

Me: AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH DDDD8 *RUN AWAY*

CAN’T

AAH

DYING

*dead*

I respawn at the villiage.

Me: *sleep* Saaaafety. Aaaah.

Go off to find base again.

FAIL

Return to villaige just in time before nightfall.

Me: *sleep* Saaafety :D

Look for base again.

Problem.

I’m starving, and I don’t have any weapons. I steal more food from the testificates. I still can’t find my base.

I give up and decide to build a new base where the testificates are. They shall become my subjects. My brethren. I shall protect them from the evil monsters of the night. I SHALL BECOME A BAT.

/endrant

P.S. After all, creepers are a superstitious, cowardly lot.