All Writers Have One of These

Dear Wal,

I have this one character you may have heard of, if you've been reading since this blog began a year or so ago (wow, has it been a year?). His name has Tom Burdock, and he can't make up his mind about what story of his he wants me to write. First it was his beginning, his origin. But origins are a pain and pretty boring, so of course I screwed that up. Then he decided to go galavanting through every story I've ever written.
The Black Dog? Check.
Batman fanfic? Check.
Random western that failed? Check.
Torchwood fanfic? Check.
Original superhero story? Check.
All of which he was absolutely brilliant in, of course. Most of the time he was the best part of the story. So, naturally I tried to write him into his own story. My logic was this: well, this dude is freaking awesome, I bet he would rock as the main character in a quest to save the universe. Simple, right? Nope. The story of Tom's life, with him ducking randomly in and out of story out of story, looked like this before I tried to give him his own story:

And I stupidly tried to add in something even more exciting: Tom in his very own story!

Then my artfully created timeline became a horrifying monstrosity that looks like it was written by (gasp!) middle school me:

Now I don't know what the heck to do with him. His story is entering it's teenage years. Anything could happen, and I don't have any control over any of it. Not that I ever did in the first place. Writing his story is like riding a runaway train filled with screaming, homicidal circus animals. I'm doing my best just to stay alive.
I think every writer has one of these characters. Even if you're a planner, and you outline every tiny detail of your story and you have every plothole neatly filled before you start writing (sometimes...I wish I was one of these people) there's always this one character who just won't cooperate. They turn everything they touch to the equivalent of writing gold, while somehow managing to screw up your plotline and destroy what's left of your story. Your first thought is that they want attention, but they don't. In fact, they refuse to be in the spotlight of anything. The moment you even hint at bringing them forward from something other than a minor existence in the background, or even from second to lead character, they pitch a fit and stomp out of the room shouting obscene things. Leaving you wondering which story of yours they'll pop up in next, and secretly longing for them to be in everything you've ever written, because they are quite possibly the greatest character you have ever had the honor to write.

/endrant

P.S. Mat Smith on a motorcycle.