The cat has found a new hiding place. We spent twenty minutes looking for her this evening. Let me see, where shall I start? First, a tornado swept into my room from the phantom zone and threw dirty clothes and random crap that I had previously had perfectly organized all over creation, and then mysteriously disappeared without a trace other than the destruction left in it's wake. None of Krypton's most dangerous and devious, no traces of unique radiation, nothing. So this maze of crap in my room made it impossible to find anything at all, except of course for me because I magically knew exactly where the tornado had thrown everything.
She wasn't under the bed, or in any of the closets, or in the nice little hidy hole between my bed and my dresser , or under the red chair, or blending in with the rocking chair (she can look surprisingly like the upholstery when she wants to). It was terrifying. I could just see her, hidden away, plotting our demise at her claws and then on to the world. You know, I just saw a striking resemblance between Elliot and my cat. That's even more terrifying. So now I see her and Elliot plotting to take over the world from some spot in the depths of wonderful hiding places flooded with dust bunnies and old, lost socks.
I think our cat is secretly super. I'm serious. And I'm not talking from Krypton here, more like from planet just plain catawesome.
Neko's Powers:1) Lead kitty. She becomes a blob of furry lead; 10x increase in mass in .003 seconds flat, and when you pick her up you feel the inevitable pull of gravity and then you look into her eyes and you realize how much she really, really, really, wants you to put her down and how much you really, really, really should before she gets tired of tolerating you.
2) Noodle kitty. She becomes a furry noodle of a cat-slipping from your grip no matter what fantastically unbeatable trap you've cornered her in. This also applies to her draping herself over objects. You'll just walk in on her sprawled over your nice clean shirt or your fuzzy sweater that just happens to attract cat hair like mad.
3) Death-glare. You can see the flames in her eyes. You can see yourself sucked into the dark, sharp knife that is her soul and tortured for eternity. You can see yourself dying a thousand deaths. It'd be terrifying if it wasn't so damned funny.
4) Cuteness. You can't resist. She's sooo soft...and sooo nice...and sooo sweet...you just want to love her to pieces. She doesn't even fight it tooth and claw anymore. She just leeeeeans away, and turns her burning glare on you while you kiss her furry belly.
5) Flight. She ends up in some of the weirdest places.
I'm glad she's no bigger than she is. She would rule us all, treat us as her slaves and force us to do her bidding. And we would have no choice, because, like Elliot, she would have our minds twisted around her claws, whether it be brainwashing, madness or terrorism, she would control us and rule us without mercy.
Where did we eventually find her? Don't know. She came out and surrendered (she may have lost the battle...but she may yet win the war). I snatched her before she could noodle kitty away from me and stuck her out into the night. She sits in the rafters of the barn, going bump in the dark to terrify poor Buzzy standing below her in his stall, and squashing spiders as she plots and plots her future reign.
She's really a great cat, honestly.
/endrant
P.S. You notice it's almost midnight. I lied about sleeping. Who needs sleep?!
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